Deaton The True Non-Hollywood Story

Part II:The Storm Front

Now when we left our hero he was where??? Ah yes adolescence! Is there truly a more awkward time in our lives than adolescence? I would consider adolescence to start at around 12-13 (depending on if your school is K-8 or a middle school). The time of figuring out what we are and where our place in the social scene is. I spent some time in the "IN" crowd and realized it just wasn't me. Too much effort and conformity goes into that crap. I was just going to be different. The deck was stacked against me. All my classmates are listening to rap and R&B, I'm listening to They Might Be Giants, The Cure, Primus, The Pixies. I'm watching music evolve and no one else sees this! How could anyone understand ME if they couldn't understand this???? (As said in an almost pubescent end-of-the-world voice.) I can still remember my day of epiphany. It was seventh grade everyone was pinch rolling their jeans. Now for those of you too young to know what that is you simply take the very front of your jeans and pull them straight out. Now fold them towards the inside of your leg and then roll the cuff two or three times. I looked down and thought "This looks dumb as hell" and I unrolled them. I know not a big deal right? In a sheep herd mentality, that comes with being in school, the pack will always stay tight til one strays. Now I'm not saying I invented the wheel or I'm such a rebel or even I'm the first to ever stray, but from that day forward I was always just me. I've just always been a loner. Don't get me wrong I have always been entertaining and personable, which gave me the ability to bounce in and out of social groups when I wanted. Perfect for me because I'm a guarded person. I've always felt people don't always get me (unjustly I might add) and I could have surface friends with no true connection. It's funny to me the way I victimized myself because people didn't "Get" me when I wouldn't let them close enough to know me.

I guess not a whole lot to talk about for high school. My freshman year Nirvana killed pop music and all the sheep traded their polo's for flannel. It was so funny because you have these kids who are wearing $90 Ralph Lauren flannels and $80 Guess Jeans with $100 Eastland boots and they were hardcore. Designer grunge what a concept and an oxymoron. I guess if it can be marketed it will. Don't worry though mainstream always over exposes everything it gets its greedy hands on and kills it. By my senior year I partied all the time. My favorite thing was to mess with drunks or stoners. For drunks it was easy. I'd usually do my lung cancer trick. I'd tell them the way you can tell if you have it is to take three drags off your cigarette as fast as you can. After the third drag no smoke should come out. I'd light up take two drags and exhale. Then on the third I'd ash (and you have to ash or you'll blow ash every where) then blow so the cherry glows and exhale again. Naturally no smoke. That would freak them out for hours and all night I'd get "Do it again". For stoners I'd go with theories. For example I'd start by making the statement that dogs are smarter than humans. Which is easy to defend sober but high not so much. That would generally be dismissed fairly easily. So I would add "Sure they have physical limitations we don't have, but they are clearly smarter". Then I'd throw a bunny up like "If you want someone to take care of you play dumb right?". The first rule to debating an irrational thought is to get them emotionally invested by letting them win the first few arguments. Clearly you could say "If you are dumb you don't have to act." I'd give them one or two more statements they could win (depending on the investment level - they have to be fully invested for it work). Then I'd drop the bomb and the conversation almost always went like this" If you say sit what does your dog do?". "He sits" they would respond." When your dog barks what do you do"? Most of the time the answer was a blank stare. Then the final set up "So the dog understands you, but you don't understand it?". Now every once in a while I'd get a feisty one that was not going out like that and they'd say "Because they don't speak a language". Then the nail in the proverbial coffin. "Then how do they understand each other"? Now like I said sober that's easy to defend. I once had a friend tell me " You are the intersection of genius and insane". I asked him "Which road would you name after me". He answered "Exactly". Oh yeah I was a nationally rated long distance runner blah blah blah. Tore up my ankle blah blah blah. No more college scholarships blah blah blah. Supposed to walk with a limp, but instead can do full impact blah blah freakin blah! I don't know that we really need the long version of that. I'm better at self deprecating (in a fun way) than bragging. I honestly don't believe anything from high school had a profound impact on my life, but the years following certainly would.

For the next four years of my life I was Hurricane Deaton I say hurricane because it was a constant cycle of chaos to calm then exploding back into chaos. I would actually contribute this in part to the fact that I internalized everything. So all it took was a break-up or sometimes even just a bad day to start the swirling motion, throw in a little self-pity and a dash of self-loathing and I'd become a category 4 in no time. Drinking heavy on week nights, setting up dates then disappearing, being a douche bag in general forcing my friends to clean up my mess. Well my true friends that is, I had a few that were like my warm gulf waters. Now lets get a few things straight before I move on. First of all these outbursts would occur for a few months of the year. I'd be in a relationship for six months spin out for two months get it together for 3 months spin out for 2 weeks. A tail spin never ended a relationship, but was the result of one ending. The length depended on how long it took to be miserable enough to get my act together. Number two I never missed a day of work or lost a job or even had my work suffer. From 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. I was a contained blast. Finally unless you were physically caught up in the destruction you'd never have a clue. I was the same funny, entertaining, and seemingly easy going person unless you were mostly Phil Davenport then you had to do more work than F.E.M.A. to smooth the waters. The turning point you ask me? My father one day looked at me and said "You know you can be a victim all your life or one day you'll wake up and realize you're responsible for your own happiness.". WOW until that day I could blame everyone else for my all my problems and sorrows, but with that reality I could only have one conclusion. Though I may not be responsible for causing all my problems I was responsible for how I handled them.

I know this was not the light hearted look into me, but every True Hollywood Story has to have it's climax or moment of clarity. This was mine. Next time will be the finale as well as the most entertaining of the three. If you have any stories you want to hear leave them in the comments. You could even read the comments on the last blog and suggest one if you want. You could even just tell me you laughed your butt off at skinny Brian. That's all for now,but I will leave you this week with some random facts about me.

• I burst into song all the time - most of the time it's my own lyrics and rhythm.



• I think apart from work I rarely use my normal voice. Between Lennon's voice ( I often narrate his thoughts), my I'm explaining myself voice (like I forgot to close the fridge, clean the stove, take out the garbage, etc.) and singing random thoughts and sentences.



• I love mini golf but I always take the blue golf ball so I can kick the hell out of a dead horse.



• I appreciate a good cigar, but I can't stand wine.



• I will not drink Pepsi.



• Hello my name is Brian and I am kind of a tech geek.



• I grew up on video games and continue to grow with them.



• I would rather be at home than any where else on Earth.



• I am a slob, yet I get mad if the toothpaste is not squeezed from the bottom.



• I will leave anything in the yard if I see a snake near it (and we only have garden snakes).



• And Brad and Tiffany have over 100 reasons why I will never be left alone with their child.