Evolve! Everyone's doing it.

So prolific isn't always my thing. I have to admit I go through periods of high inspiration and periods of blah. I guess being a person who rarely wants to leave his home isn't very conducive for consistent material. So where to begin.......Ok so Friday night I went out with my brother-in-law on his 21st birthday. Maybe I should side note this with I haven't been to a bar in????? Ok you got me. I don't know, but I'd guess closer to years than months. Bars have nothing to offer me other than an embarrassing look into what a douche I used to look like. If I'm gonna throw down give me a group of friends at a private location and music I want to listen to or a Wii. I'm old and have lost my sense of drunken adventure. Back to Friday night. So we get picked up by a limo and head to a bar (for you that are regional I'll give a bit more info Cruisin's on Farmington Rd Peoria,IL). Now the first thing you have to do when you walk into a bar is check out your surroundings. Guess what I see? Sausage fest 2008! Now I tell you this not because I wanted to check out the girls (I am married and happy), but because this is important to the story. And I'm not joking about Sausage fest. It's like a 10 to 1 ratio. Which is always interesting because that causes one of the most unique situations in male behavior. Like a pack of hyenas with no food they begin to attack each other every time it's prey comes near. I walk to the bathroom and I see a pack of idiots eyeing a waitress and fighting over which one is going to take her home. Now judging by the fake smile on the waitresses face and the fact no one at the table has thumbs (an evolution joke......monkeys if you need more help) they have no chance. First of all let me give that table of 11 a bit of advise any girl who has worked at a bar, hooters, strip club, etc has heard every one of your sad pick up lines and are not swept away by your vortex of charm. Second of all telling some one how beautiful their eyes are is third date material (you know after you've proven you have a personality) and only works when actually looking at their eyes. Which would be approximately 18" north of this Casanovas eye shot. The waitress smiles and walks off prompting him to tell the rest of the pack she wants him. They begin to tear him a part limb from limb and after a few seconds the whole table is verbally assaulting each other. And to be honest they all had valid points and should have listened to each other and left that second, gone home and yanked one out. If one of these girls humor you it's cause they want a good tip and they want to see how deep you'll bury yourself while confirming to them they will never meet an adequate mate at a bar. I say this not because I am in any way, shape or form a feminist, (In fact I probably am one of the least PC people I know) but because I am ashamed that that is my genders representation in the bar scene. And I'll be honest I can't say in my day I didn't think every girl wanted me. I can say I was a bit more creative than your typical bang on my chest cause I'm male type. The point is EVOLVE please. If this is our future women are going to dismiss us all together and life will die off. And if women are actually falling for this I pray life on this planet does die off for fear their idiot kids will live near me or my friends.