This week I decided to try to merge the two poll answers into one. Being as I had seven votes how could I afford to alienate 15% of my readers? I do at very least know that seven people read this so that's cool. If I had just six words to describe me the first three would be "I'm a mess". I have ADD. I do not have the bounce off the wall kind, I have the stare at the wall kind. This is the best way I can describe it. Image your brain moving at a pace so fast you can't focus on one task then throw in the Swedish Chef as your own personal filing specialist. The result? I have an extremely quick wit, but have no idea where any thing I own is. Such as keys, wallet, Ipod, coffee cup, my mind. You know - the basics. And I know right now Tiffany Watts is picturing when I lived with them and, on occasion, would just start flinging things and saying " Erdin Flurdin Jerdin Burdin". This just came to me. Isn't it kinda crazy no body ever got pissed about the Swedish Chef? If Sesame Street had a Chinese character called the Asian Chef who cooked on a table in front of you, threw knives around and said things like "Ching Chang Chong" people would flip. Which brings me to my last three words "but I'm fun". Anyone who has spent more than two hours with me probably has a story about me. Anyone who has lived with me (or known me for years) won't know which one to start with. I'm one of those people who you meet for the first time and feel like you've known them all your life. This got me to wondering what do people not know about me.
Where to start? I guess with the basics. I am the oldest of two. I was born in 1977, I weighed 7lbs and 7oz, and was the 7th grandchild on the Deaton side (also the 7th boy). Before I could even speak I would tell jokes. Seriously at like 6 months I would mutter random sounds pause then laugh. I spoke my first words at 9 months. I know you're thinking "Momma" or "Dadda", but you'd be wrong. My dad was eating a sandwich and I crawled up on him and said "Bite bite please please please" further proving me to be a Deaton (we love food). By a year old I spoke in close to sentence form, but being the laid back person I am I didn't care to walk. And not that I couldn't walk it was just easier and faster to crawl and I was lazy (funny when you consider I ended up as one of the top distance runners in the country). At the age of 4 my dad took me to Venture (for those of you not from the mid-west or younger than 25 it was a department store). I was always an easy to get along with kid and the rule was if you are absolutely wonderful while shopping you get a little something at the end. So he decided to get me a new record (yes vinyl I'm old). He's thinking Smurfs, I'm thinking Billy Joel-Glass Houses. It's the one with "Still Rock and Roll to Me", "You May Be Right", and "Don't Ask Me Why". Well long story short I begged until he broke. Now God Bless the man who for the sake of rock and roll takes one for the team because I know it wasn't fun to explain to my mother why he just bought their preschool child a rock album. On a stranger note imagine your 4 year old walking around your house singing " You may be right. I may be crazy, but it just may be a lunatic your lookin for". After that they couldn't keep me away from their records or the record player. 27 years later I have 3 of those 300 Cd cases full of Cd's and a few easy to carry cases full. Thank God for Ipods!
Growing up I basically had one friend. It wasn't because I didn't make friends easily, but because I only needed one. He lived right across the street. We were basically the same person. We had all the same interests and loved all the same things. We used to make movies that consisted of music videos and talk shows. In fact I still have them and no you can't see them. The nice thing about being a boy is if you get into a fight one just knocks the other out and it's over. It's part of the great divide. Girls will try to destroy each others lives and boys will make each other eat grass. The other part (of the great divide) being that a woman will look in the mirror and become distraught over one ear being an eighth of an inch higher than the other. A man, no matter what physical shape or size, will get out of the shower look in the mirror, flex, and say "HELLS YEA". On the opposite side of the spectrum women will freely speak of their feelings every chance they get and men are afraid of their feelings. Now I know this is a stereo-type but have I ever told you I LOVE STEREO-TYPES. The reason being no they are not always true, but most of the time they are right on. People don't just make this stuff up. Now I can't speak for the female perspective, but I would consider myself an expert on internalization. I think as boys we are taught to not show emotion because it is a sign of weakness. And that manifests as we get older turning us into time bombs. Now I know we are all damaged in our own precious ways and have walls and defenses. The difference is women can bring it to the surface. Women get visually upset or call a friend, with a man it just comes out. We keep shoving it in and in and in until it just comes out. That's why we have the blank face then with no warning flip out. We're just trying to stay numb. I am the king of internalizers. You'll almost never see me as any thing but happy. Now that is a slightly misleading comment because I am an extremely easy going happy person. It's just if there is something wrong no one would know. I take that back Jen would. She'd look at me and say "Why you being fake?" and be persistent enough to get an answer. I have found a medication for me (I just can't go with cure). It's actually pretty simple. It's music. If I am down and need to allow myself to feel I play Ryan Adams or some old school Pumpkins and sing the words as they were mine. If I am frustrated and need to blow off steam it's Dillinger Escape Plan, System of a Down, Parkway Drive etc. If I need to cheer up it's Marley, They might be Giants, The Beatles, Dylan etc. Now I love all music and it's not always therapy. I listen to a lot of metal, but trust me I'm not frustrated that often. How could I be? I have a wonderful wife who proofreads all I write. A dog, well I don't actually know what he does but I still love him and great friends. But we haven't gotten that far in the story yet. Part two coming soon. Feel free to post any stories you have in the comments or just say "Hey". Tiff I expect some good stories from you.
12 comments:
B, this is awesome. For a brief second when I looked at that last pic of you holding a book I though you were wearing pigtails.
My dad was kind of a hippie and they let my hair grow. People would say " She's adorable. What's her name?" to which my parents would respond "Brian". It's the platinum blond curls.
Wow Stories from me... Well if I can figure out how to get VHS tape on to the computer I would not only have stories but proof that I have witnessed and sometimes even taken part in the making of the "Brian Deaton true non hollywood story"!
Lets see... We are all in the car heading back to D-town from Mardi Gras in St. Louis rocking out to the radio having a great time and Deaton lets us know that he always knows we are close to Springfield when he sees the smoke stacks in the distance I look out to see the smoke stacks and diretly below them is a billboard with a huge Abraham Lincoln head showing us that we are in Springfield, so I respond with or you could just look at the sign... Also this trip I believe is the same trip I gave you your Chef hat so you could continue the great impersonation you do! Also Rabbits and Alcohol DO NOT MIX... (Let me work on the vhs to computer thing it's a shame to not share this with everyone else!) I'm sure these are not the best stories and only a handful of the buckets full I have of stories about Brian! I'll think about this more I know better ones will come to me! I can't wait for part 2!
If I remember that was also the Budweiser Tour. And the parade that I wore the mask and got piss drunk. Then we went to Hooter's and I thought it would be a good idea to hit on the waitress. The problem was when I took the mask off I had turned my face pink. Oh and just sitting here I came up with: My glowing orange hair accident, dinner bucket aka my chair, chrome grill (not teeth), bun run, my non epa bonfire, christmas carol new years, on Praire jumping out of the hiding space with just your smiley face purse, burning ditch, Wrestling Shurades, anything of mine Austin ate,why Tigger hates me, mand my 2 month red meat bender.
I would like to know more about this meat bender? LOL I am making things up in my head and totally amusing myself!
Ok so the mask incident was the same trip and I believe I have video or picture proof of that and I will be looking for it tonight. We can't forget the start of several phrases that are so near and dear to Brad's heart we used them so much I thought he was going to wreck the car just to shut us up.... Fa-rilla, magilla gorilla!
The meat bender is a very real thing. I made hamburgers for like 2 months straight, but I'll get to that. Oh and who can forget the shitty sock story.
hahaha, the part that made me laugh the most is how you told jokes before you spoke. that's cute! (:
Hi My name Is Austin I am a Yellow Labmix and Deaton shared my home for a year and a half or so and I do have some stories to share. One of my Favorites is When Deaton was sleeping one day I very carefully took a whole pack of newport cigs from him. I was carefull to place the somewhere no one would find them. This bugged my owners Brad and Tiff and reall bugged Deaton HAHAHAHA. My Plan was working he looked for the cigs for like two weeks. Then one day when he was upset because he wanted a cig and did not have any. I went to the hiding place and took one cig out of the box and came out in the living room... Holding the cig in my mouth as to smoke it hahahaha I was a riot More stories of my torment of Brian to follow Thanks Austin
Very true you damn dirty dog. You stole my Newports and taunted me with them. You also ate my Doc Martins and one of my hats. Karma has it in for you my friend or at vey least Brad.
Brian... I LOVE your blog! I'm so excited you started one. You have such a fun and quirky way of writing :)
btw... this is Kara ;-)
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